Part 72 – Confessions & Guilt

I have to be honest, I really enjoyed writing this post today 😄 so I hope you enjoy reading it! 

If you do, don’t forget to comment below 😉 

This post is dedicated to a few people… 

Firstly, my Real life Sumz just because I love you! 💖😘

Secondly, to Pineapples, wherever you are please come back 😭😭😭

Thirdly, to Zana because you always comment and I love your comments 💖💖 

Lastly, to Shazoo from LLD, because of the contents of this post 😉

Right, now let’s get some cheesecake in the house 💃🏻 with a spoon in your hand and cheesecake in your lap, read on and enjoy 😉

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Reez’s P.O.V.

I stood outside on our bedroom balcony, watching the darkness of the town as the lights twinkled against the moon. Lost in thoughts of today, I didn’t hear Ayaaz come out either, but I felt his arms wrap around my waist as he stood behind me.

‘Who are you thinking about when I’m right here, babes?’ Ayaaz spoke into my ear.

I need to tell him what’s on my mind…

Smiling back at him, I took a deep breath before speaking. ‘I want to tell you something… It’s kind of weird.’ I said with a chuckle, but the nerves showed through my laughter.

Ayaaz turned me to face him with a serious look in his eyes and no smile in sight, but yet he still looked warm and comforting.

‘Reez, you know you can tell me anything, my love.’ He said into the stillness of the night. I nodded, unable to speak yet as I lowered my gaze.

He watched me intently while I gathered my thoughts, and after another deep breath, I broke the silence and opened up to him.

‘So, I was talking to Sumz today…’ I said, trailing off with my thoughts while my lips repeated the events of today…

*flashback*

After a scrumptious lunch at home, we all gathered in the lounge discussing the upcoming event. It was exciting and the idea of having a sister in law brought a huge smile to my face.

We all laughed and joked while teasing Moe, but amidst the joy I couldn’t help but feel a weird emotion within me. It wasn’t sadness because it was a happy occasion, but it just felt weird knowing that my big brother will turn his attention to another girl, someone that’s not me, his sister. I guess he felt the same when I got married, and he knew I felt the same way judging by the way he looked at me as we all sat in the lounge.

Sitting behind him, I ruffled his hair with a laugh. ‘Don’t forget me now, bro.’

‘Oh please, I’m not like you.’ Moe teased back as he stuck his tongue out at me. ‘Just kidding Reez,’ he added when he saw my surprised expression, ‘don’t worry, you’ll always be my favorite.’

I smiled and side hugged him before I felt someone side hugging me on my other side.

‘You’re my favorite too.’ Ayaaz said with a smirk.

I laughed as I wrapped my arms around Ayaaz, hugging him back before stealing a quick kiss on his cheek.

‘Urgh! Get a room!’ Sumz said with an eye roll only loud enough for Moe, Ayaaz and I to hear before she started giggling. I stuck my tongue out at her before we all started laughing, my cheeks flushed in embarrassment.

Sumz and I went upstairs to my old room soon after bidding Ayesha and my brother in law goodbye as they left for home. The guys went outside on the balcony while mine and Sumz parents remained talking in the dining room.

‘I kind of miss this room.’ I said to Sumz as I collapsed on the bed. Sumz collapsed beside me and smiled.

‘Yeah, I miss walking in here as soon as I enter this house now. Before, it was the first room I walked into before I even greeted anyone because I would always find you here.’ Sumz said with a hint of sadness in her voice.

‘Yeah, and what about all the sleepovers we had here, and the dress up games as we were growing up.’ I said with a smile at the fond memories.

‘And the time we put all your makeup on the bed and tried every single shade of lipstick and eyeshadow.’ Sumz said with a laugh.

‘And just before I got married, I was cleaning up my closet and you tried on all my high heels.’ I burst out laughing at that memory. ‘You couldn’t even walk in my heels.’

‘Pssssht! It’s not my fault you wear monstrous sized heels.’ Sumz said with an eye roll before she too burst out laughing.

‘I don’t mean to go all senti, but damn, I miss you.’ Sumz said.

‘I miss you too!’ I agreed with a smile.

‘At least you’re happy, that’s all that matters. Some day we all have to get married and move on to new friends and new families, it’s just part of life.’ Sumz spoke with a shrug of her shoulders.

‘That’s true, and Ayaaz really does make me happy. When his around, I don’t even feel like I’m missing my family because he always makes me smile and does anything to keep me happy.’ I confessed to Sumz, mirroring my true emotions.

Sumz smiled, happy for me, but I watched her smile fade as she faked a stern look towards me.

‘Except you, I always miss you! Ayaaz can’t replace you!’ I quickly added and we both laughed after her stern ‘good’ was mentioned.

‘Speaking of marriage…’ I said with a smirk, ‘you’re hiding stuff from me and I don’t like it!’ I huffed with a smile.

Sumz covered her face with a groan. ‘Argh, you don’t forget anything, do you?’

‘Of course not!’ I said with a shrug and an eye roll. ‘Now, spill!’

‘Okay, okay…’ She said with a sigh. ‘So, you know that day when we all came over to your house?’

I nodded.

‘I don’t know what or why, but since that day I can’t get him out of my mind.’ Sumz said with flushed cheeks.

‘Go on.’ I urged before bombarding her with questions.

‘We were all playing before Moosa, Ebrahim and Zaydaan walked in. But as soon as they did, just the sight of him in white and red caught my eye and instead of lowering my gaze I looked up.’ Sumz confessed, covering her face in embarrassment.

‘I couldn’t look away, but as we all ate, sat around and had fun, I couldn’t help but steal glances at him. I knew it’s wrong, and I shrugged it off as just a haraam crush, and then Jameel called to come home. So I let Jameel come home, not thinking much about him, but when Jameel came, I could only compare Jameel to him!’

‘Oh my god! I can’t believe you’re only telling me all of this now!’ I said in surprise. ‘Although, I have a confession to make, Sumz.’

‘What?’ She asked seriously.

‘I… Uhm, I don’t know who you’re talking about.’ I said with a wide grin before we both burst out laughing. ‘Like seriously, you’ve been talking about him but I don’t know who him is.’

‘Well, want to take a guess?’ Sumz asked with a raised eyebrow.

‘Errr, Zaydaan?’ I said awkwardly, immediately thinking of his white kurta.

‘What? No! Girl code, Reez! I can’t have your ex!’ She said with a shudder before we both burst out laughing again.

‘Thank god because I was trying to find a way to get over that awkwardness.’ I admitted with relief. ‘So wait, if it’s not Zaydaan, the other person wearing white was…’ I scrambled my mind, thinking back to that day.

‘Oh my god!’ I shrieked as realization caught on. ‘It’s… ‘

‘Yes!’ She said before I could even say it.

‘How did I not think of him first?? He is like your living breathing twin!’ I said as I shook my head in disbelief. ‘His funny and chirpy, just like you, he is a practicing Muslim, he gets along with everyone, gosh, his perfect!’ I agreed, remembering how he too came in a white thobe over his dark jeans and a red tshirt.

‘Yep, he sure does sound perfect.’ Sumz said, the sadness returning to her voice. ‘I just don’t know if he would even consider marrying me, or how to even consider the whole situation.’

‘Hmmm… True, it’s a tough situation.’ I agreed, knowing fully how hard it will be to convince Sumz dad to consider someone she kind of knows.

‘My dad will go crazy if he thinks I’m dating someone behind their back, and I don’t want that to happen. I really want to do it the halaal way, Reez, but how?’ Sumz questioned with distress.

‘Don’t worry, leave it to me. Ayaaz and I will try to help. We’ll figure something out.’ I said smiling, with a squeeze on her shoulder.

‘I’d appreciate that.’ Sumz said with a smile. ‘Just don’t mess it up.’ She narrowed her gaze at me, a smile playing on her lips.

‘Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. I won’t ruin your chances with Moosa.’ I said, imitating him as I wiggled my eyebrows.

She blushed in return before speaking her silent thoughts, ‘Inshallah, it will work out if it’s meant to be.’ She said with strength in her voice as if though she believed in her words and didn’t just say it.

‘Ameen.’

*End of flashback* 

I watched as Ayaaz sat beside me and we both thought of a way to help Sumz.

‘Moosa never mentioned marriage before.’ Ayaaz said. ‘Maybe I could ask him and see what he thinks.’

‘Yeah, you guys are friends so I’m sure that would be okay.’ I agreed.

‘Reez?’

‘Hmmm?’

‘At Jummah the other week they were talking about marriage and how important it is for your mahram’s to help you find a partner. Like in Sumz case, her brothers or her father should actually approach people if they have good character, if his virtuous and a practicing Muslim.’ Ayaaz said as a matter of fact.

‘Really? I didn’t know that.’ I admitted.

‘Yeah, because so many people think that their daughters are homely and don’t go out, so how will they find a partner? But the Moulana explained how their fathers or brothers should seek partners for them.’ Ayaaz said. ‘Sumz wants to do it the right way, so maybe getting her brothers involved might help. Plus, they’ve met Moosa too.’

‘Yeah, I think you’re right.’ I said with a smile as I rested my shoulder on Ayaaz’s.

‘I can speak to Sumz brothers, Ahmed and Zak, and ask them their opinion, and if they don’t mind the idea then they can speak to Moosa and ask him to come home to meet Sumz.’ Ayaaz spoke again and we both agreed.

I messaged Sumz to ask her if she was okay with it and she agreed, happy that things were getting done the right way. She thanked me for helping her and soon after, I hopped into bed while Ayaaz attended to some work at his desk.

Addicted to a new story on Wattpad, I was engrossed to my screen as I read the book page after page, chapter after chapter.

Even on Wattpad, the many stories that I read spoke about nikaah and getting married the halaal way. They mentioned how the more you spend on your wedding, the less barkat you have in your home.

Putting my phone down, I felt the guilt rise within me. The dread of it etched on my features and slowly but surely, the regret of it all came flooding within me.

I gazed at Ayaaz, who looked up at me at the same time, a frown forming on his features when saw my guilty expression.

‘What’s wrong, love?’ Ayaaz said, standing up and striding towards me. He sat beside me as my eyes began to pool.

Ayaaz looked confused as I began shaking my head slowly. He held my shoulders and as I closed my eyes and let out a breath of guilt, I felt the tears spill out the corners of my eyes.

There was nothing halaal about the way Ayaaz and I got married. 

Author- S

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Hmmmm…. So much going on right now! 

What do you think of Sumz and Moosa? 😛

And Reez’s guilt? 🤔

Would love to know your thoughts! Don’t forget to comment and let me know💃🏻

Pictures for today’s post are below! 😉

Until next time…

Much love 😘

Xoxo 

Sumz confessions

Memories of playing dress up

Reez’s guilt catching up

Dress up with Sumz